Thank you for this, this brings back a lot of memories of trying to write my dissertation when my kids were young (3/4 and 7/8)... I COULD NOT write at home. Even if I had "time" (nap time or when my husband was caregiving), I didn't have the brain space to focus on my writing. I was always thinking about what someone would need from me next. My brain needed uninterrupted thinking time before I could write and that thinking time was harder to come by than the writing time, I think. I ended up escaping to a cabin in the woods for two weeks to write, which was amazing but also a wholly unsustainable approach to longform writing... which is one of the 27 reasons I tell myself for why my novel isn't finished yet.
"It is difficult to encapsulate the emotions behind trying to write in the pockets of time between morning sickness, sleep schedules, meal prep, playdates, preschool drop offs, and most importantly, with very little money for childcare." - I have said this out loud so many times. Thanks for sharing such a relatable piece.
As I listen to my older child playing quietly-ish while the baby sleeps, unsure when I’ll be called next but certain it will be soon, I don’t know if I’ll have the time to eat. Time to write feels extravagant. But I’m hopeful that this is a time for my children, and the writing work waits for me. Thank you for this.
Jimminy cricket, this spoke to me. Writing saved when I was 6 months pregnant with baby 2, working nights in the ER, and deeply depressed in the midst of a Boston winter. We then moved overseas for my husband's job, and I wrote a zero draft of a novel just after my second was born. I was in this unbelievable limbo where I had tons of affordable childcare and very few demands on my time outside of taking care of the kids. I'd drop the oldest off at preschool, head to a coffee shop and write for three hours, and then get home in time for my baby's next feeding. It was focused, contained, and I felt a high like I've never known. Of course it didn't last more than a few months -- the oldest developed some serious health issues, I got pregnant again and hyperemesis felled me for awhile, and the pandemic meant we were evacuated back to the US to temp quarters for 7 months (away from my husband for a lot of that). It's been four years since that first lovely pocket of writing, and I've beat myself up every goddamn day for barely doing anything with that novel. A year ago, I reached my own breaking point and we decided to use the down payment money we'd saved to put the kids in daycare. I found work as a health writer, which is great, but still leaves almost no time or space for creative writing. And we angled for another overseas posting (Zambia 2023!) where we will be able to afford more help. So many years later, I have no idea if that novel still has life, but I do know that those few months of clear writing time changed my life, and every life decision since then has been one to move our family closer to a point where I have the time, space, energy (<--- code for affordable childcare) so I can write creatively in a big way. Anyways, that's a long-winded way of saying thank you for acknowledging that writing and small children is rarely compatible. I'm actively taming my jealousy that you managed to do as much as you did (limping along!? you found an agent!) with four kids and a partner in a demanding career. Thanks for bringing this issues forward.
Thank you for sharing this! I hope/plan to have kids sometime soon, and I often find myself wondering/worrying at how to balance all this. If you ever feel like sharing more details on solutions you found, I'd love to hear them <3 Always inspired by you.
Wow, thank you so much for this. As a newish mom (to an 18-month-old), I am definitely in the 'writing during naptime' space. If I'm being honest, I think a lot about if I want more kids or if I'm happy with my daughter as our only so I can devote more time to being a creative. That's probably selfish of me, and I do see myself with more than one, but I also just have such a drive for my own endeavors too. It's such a hard balance that is never fully balanced. Anyway, I relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing.
This is amazing! Thank you for keeping it real and honest and for sharing wisdom that nurtures and reminding a culture that resists rest to cut that shit out. So excited to find you here. Your book I Hope This Finds You Well opened my world. I love, love, love it- love your ability to reframe. I feel like I’m just getting going with my writing at 42 with my youngest now 12- I wish I could have figured out how to write while they were young but I was figuring out how to life and mother and I had a full time day job most of that time. I’m glad and grateful that I’m giving myself the space to do it now.
Thank you for this, this brings back a lot of memories of trying to write my dissertation when my kids were young (3/4 and 7/8)... I COULD NOT write at home. Even if I had "time" (nap time or when my husband was caregiving), I didn't have the brain space to focus on my writing. I was always thinking about what someone would need from me next. My brain needed uninterrupted thinking time before I could write and that thinking time was harder to come by than the writing time, I think. I ended up escaping to a cabin in the woods for two weeks to write, which was amazing but also a wholly unsustainable approach to longform writing... which is one of the 27 reasons I tell myself for why my novel isn't finished yet.
"It is difficult to encapsulate the emotions behind trying to write in the pockets of time between morning sickness, sleep schedules, meal prep, playdates, preschool drop offs, and most importantly, with very little money for childcare." - I have said this out loud so many times. Thanks for sharing such a relatable piece.
FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES
As I listen to my older child playing quietly-ish while the baby sleeps, unsure when I’ll be called next but certain it will be soon, I don’t know if I’ll have the time to eat. Time to write feels extravagant. But I’m hopeful that this is a time for my children, and the writing work waits for me. Thank you for this.
Thank you and ditto
Jimminy cricket, this spoke to me. Writing saved when I was 6 months pregnant with baby 2, working nights in the ER, and deeply depressed in the midst of a Boston winter. We then moved overseas for my husband's job, and I wrote a zero draft of a novel just after my second was born. I was in this unbelievable limbo where I had tons of affordable childcare and very few demands on my time outside of taking care of the kids. I'd drop the oldest off at preschool, head to a coffee shop and write for three hours, and then get home in time for my baby's next feeding. It was focused, contained, and I felt a high like I've never known. Of course it didn't last more than a few months -- the oldest developed some serious health issues, I got pregnant again and hyperemesis felled me for awhile, and the pandemic meant we were evacuated back to the US to temp quarters for 7 months (away from my husband for a lot of that). It's been four years since that first lovely pocket of writing, and I've beat myself up every goddamn day for barely doing anything with that novel. A year ago, I reached my own breaking point and we decided to use the down payment money we'd saved to put the kids in daycare. I found work as a health writer, which is great, but still leaves almost no time or space for creative writing. And we angled for another overseas posting (Zambia 2023!) where we will be able to afford more help. So many years later, I have no idea if that novel still has life, but I do know that those few months of clear writing time changed my life, and every life decision since then has been one to move our family closer to a point where I have the time, space, energy (<--- code for affordable childcare) so I can write creatively in a big way. Anyways, that's a long-winded way of saying thank you for acknowledging that writing and small children is rarely compatible. I'm actively taming my jealousy that you managed to do as much as you did (limping along!? you found an agent!) with four kids and a partner in a demanding career. Thanks for bringing this issues forward.
Thank you for sharing this! I hope/plan to have kids sometime soon, and I often find myself wondering/worrying at how to balance all this. If you ever feel like sharing more details on solutions you found, I'd love to hear them <3 Always inspired by you.
God THIS thank you
Wow, thank you so much for this. As a newish mom (to an 18-month-old), I am definitely in the 'writing during naptime' space. If I'm being honest, I think a lot about if I want more kids or if I'm happy with my daughter as our only so I can devote more time to being a creative. That's probably selfish of me, and I do see myself with more than one, but I also just have such a drive for my own endeavors too. It's such a hard balance that is never fully balanced. Anyway, I relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing.
This is amazing! Thank you for keeping it real and honest and for sharing wisdom that nurtures and reminding a culture that resists rest to cut that shit out. So excited to find you here. Your book I Hope This Finds You Well opened my world. I love, love, love it- love your ability to reframe. I feel like I’m just getting going with my writing at 42 with my youngest now 12- I wish I could have figured out how to write while they were young but I was figuring out how to life and mother and I had a full time day job most of that time. I’m glad and grateful that I’m giving myself the space to do it now.
Thank you!